The feelings about you are real, I really had you and you really loved me too. I wish I knew then.

I can feel you think of me in the night. And I still love you like the first day I met you, and yes, I still dream of your kiss, your word and your embrace, because it was like the embrace of a Nephilim.

I am afraid my love for you may cause more harm then good, That the outcome will be unfortunate for us both.

The fact I love you makes me resent my own blood, because it’s disdain for yours, but my heart says otherwise. It tells me to indulge my desire and dream of you more. I had to lock your picture away because my heart couldn't take anymore; I couldn't take it, looking at your black eyes ripped my heart apart.

God, How that night replays in my head, I hear the music, feel the emotions flood into me all over again. It meant so much to me I couldn't help but wonder did it mean as much to you, or do you think of it as much as I do. You made me feel like I was the only one there that night. What you said about him, did you really mean it about me? I always hoped you did. You should have been coming home with me, but you left with someone who ignores you.

I sat next to you as we sang of a diary of a love song kept by a madman, I whispered to you “ how perfect is this” and I held you fishnet clad hand, our last time together. I'm afraid it might not have been real.

These are exerts from the story that revolve around the character Thora who is the love interest of Cynthia (the man character).

 The Green Trance

I saw the craved glass, Devine filigree.

I saw Van Gogh’s face before me.

I saw the metal spoon shaped like a princess cut stone.

I saw the white cubes, shining like stars.

I saw the vibrant green, like an emerald in the night.

I saw the flame; it burned and sizzled like flesh.

I saw the glass like water, reflecting the night’s events like mirror.

I saw the crystals swirl, like maelstrom from Paris.

I saw the faere, she danced for me.

I drank the wine and tasted like black liquorish.

I felt the rush of the world caught in a bottle of lamentations, the tranquility of death.

“You this may just be the absinthe talking but I wish I were coming home with you tonight,”

A Prisoner of Green Decay

Dancing in absinth

The night was a blur, like many others, only this would be one of the few nights that would haunt me from then on.

Absinthe was drunk, the crowd was intimate, secrets were shared, and hearts were scared.  I discovered feelings I never thought possible.  I found a love I never thought could be found.

We escaped the company of the others to a semi-secluded porch where only the fruit bats above and the fireflies beside us could see.  Our blood was green with absinthe and our lips bittersweet with clove and liquorish.

Exhausted from our dancing and drinking Thora lured me out here for what was only meant to be a moment alone filled with simple words and cigarettes become for more than just that.

She began to speak of a love she had felt for a long time for someone who was a secret.

“You know I always thought you were so beautiful,” she says wistfully as she laced her long thin fingers with mine.

I just smile; I wasn't used to being complemented,

“I have to confess that the person I have been talking about is you I have loved you for so long and I never could say anything because of Delano, but I don't care anymore I keep this inside any longer”

“He doesn't love you,” I said, “You deserve better than.”

“You would be better,” she whispered

“You are the first person to ever understand me, to know me and why I do these things “she looked at me intently, trying to see what I was thinking, she was seeing my dreams of us through my own eyes.

“You do them because you think with your heart, Thora.  Your sister and Delano talk down to you because they have no hearts, I wish I could save you from the misery I see you suffering, and I wish I could save you from your demons.  Thora, I can’t watch you hurt like this anymore.  “

“Cyn, I love you “

I don’t think I answered her.  Then she kissed me so deeply, so passionately like no had ever before.  I bit her red painted lip; I wanted her blood more than ever and had it.  I was sweeter than I could have ever imagined.  She bit my tongue; the warm pain went straight to my heart.  I felt her velvet tongue caress my own, and her bleeding lips were so soft, it was a kiss so divine that for a moment I think we were completely alone... as if our souls left our bodies and meshed into one.  It was like finding salvation.  We floated above the world and above man; we kissed as if angels do in paintings on clouds and under stars.

Suddenly I found peace in my heart like I found something that had been missing that I didn't know was gone.  I felt love for the first time and everything felt like a movie, perfect, blissful, for a moment anyway.  I found my heaven floating on her lips and in her dark blood.

Green Decay remembers the taste of your kiss.  I think I fell in love with you that night.  We danced in green decay and debauchery together.

I remember how much you hurt when I cried and how you made me feel.

I wonder what could have been between us, would we be together in love like we both secretly dreamed.  I could have healed you, helped you, and made you happy.

We held each other close sharing a secret love in our eyes.  No one else could see.  I’ll never forget that night we danced in green decay and debauchery

The Curse of the Bloody Thorn

You were the thorn in my heart I never wanted to be rid of; if you go the blood will flow like my love for you.

In your heart, I found everything that was missing in my own.  In your dark eyes I found the life, I left behind.

I always knew you’d be the one I’d love the most, the one that would love me.

So different from everyone else, so much likes me.  I was the only one who ever understood your pain and why you did those things.  Why you always thought with you heart instead.  I knew we belonged together.  That night your touch was so full of love and warmth.  I miss it now.  I want o show you how to live, rescue you from your abject sin.  Slay all the demons that haunt your beautiful heart.  You are more apart of me now then ever sense you’re gone.  I know you think of me the same way as I of you, that you love me too.

Feelings about you are real, I really had you, and you really loved me too.  I wish I knew then.

I can feel you thing of me in the night.  And I still love you like the first day I met you, and yes I still dream of your kiss, your word and your embrace, because it was like the embrace of a Nephilim.

I am afraid my love for you may cause more harm then good, that the outcome will be unfortunate for us both.

The fact I love you makes me resent my own blood, because disdain for yours, but my heart says otherwise.  It tells me to indulge my desire and dream of you more.  I had to lock your picture away because my heart couldn't take anymore; I couldn't take it, looking at your black eyes ripped my heart apart.

Slow Suicide

I taste the cyanide on your lips, sympatric death, like Garbles in Hitler's Bunker.  Like the children poisoned so unsuspectingly.  I won't let you kill me passively.  The thought of you causes my wrists to itch within, so deeply.  Loving you would be like a slow suicide.  Oh, how you'll cry when my body they will find.  Your love will be why I'll die.  Loving you would be like a slow suicide.  My end won’t be over you.  My veins beg to be opened, the blades have been sharpened.  You cause my heart to decay; I'll go out the classic Ophelia way.  Loving you would be a slow suicide.  You'll have me fucked up on opiates and there will not be much more that I can take.  If I died, I'd only haunt myself on the other side.  Loving you would be a slow suicide.

The Goodbye

“I drank too much absinth and blood, and I discovered feelings I didn’t know I could feel for you.  I hate it, you know.  This strange jealousy”

She just sat there quiet for once in her life, staring at me as if I held her life in my hands.

“This arsenic called love, you blood reeks of it, and it intoxicates me.  Do you realize at the least mention of you the whole room turns to me and a flood of questions and accusations are sent my way?

Still she sat quiet with pleading eyes.  Then she spoke her voice barely audible.

“I just want you to be happy I don't want to be with you if causes so much trouble.”

Her voice surprised me, its sweetness and despair.

I spoke again this time less crestfallen.

“I have an internal prayer, a wish I will not acknowledge.  I can‘t do this.  We strive so hard for love, when it only brings hate, grief, and misery in the end.  It‘s only in vain that we throw ourselves into such torment and pain.  Love is a burden on our heart, Thora.”

And that was it; she left that night with her broken heart.  Mine was too but I would be damned before I show it.  Despite the love I felt for her I know in my heart it was ill fated, she was poison.